


Red

by SeaWraith46



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-09
Updated: 2015-08-09
Packaged: 2018-04-13 21:36:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4538295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeaWraith46/pseuds/SeaWraith46
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five years after the events of Life is Strange, Max decides that her relationship with Chloe is hurting Chloe more than helping her and tries to walk out of her life forever. But a 3am phone call brings her news that will force them back into each other’s lives whether they like it or not.  (tw: suicide)</p><p>**I currently have no plans to finish this fic**</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Good-bye

Chloe,

I have no idea how to start this letter. I’ve already rewound four times to rewrite these first few sentences and I’m still not any closer to figuring out how to say this. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write, but it’s also the most important and I don’t want to mess it up. But I can’t sit here staring at this page forever because my head is starting to hurt and I know you’ll be home soon, so I’m just going to have to try my best.

Do you remember what we used to say when we were kids? That we would take over the world together. I still think we can, Chloe. We can still take on the world. Just not together.

It’s taken me a long time to realize this and I’m sorry for that. It’s not fair that we spent so much time together, that we put so much time into our relationship, only for it to have to end like this.

I thought about using my powers to go back through a picture to break up with you sooner, or maybe to never start a relationship with you in the first place but I just can’t do that. I never told you about this, but I tried to do something like that once before and all it did was cause you even more suffering. I can’t risk that happening again. I’m afraid of what going back in time like that will do to you, too afraid to even attempt it and reverse it later if the worst were to happen. And I’m sorry for that, so, so sorry. I’m sorry I’m not brave enough to even give you that chance. But I hope that this way, by being together for so long, you’ll also have started to see why we can’t be together any longer.

You’re stuck, Chloe. You’re stuck in the past and no matter how hard I try, I can’t help you move on. I can rewind forever but I can’t seem to help you move forward.

In the four years I was away at college, you never visited me once. I was always the one who had to come back to Arcadia Bay in order to see you. That confused me for a long time because of how badly you had wanted to leave Arcadia Bay before. It took me a long time to figure it out, but now I know. It’s because you’re scared to leave. I think you’re scared that if you leave you’ll forget, forget about our childhood together, forget about William, forget about Rachel. But even if we could leave Arcadia Bay together, I don’t think it would help. If you left on your own or with someone else I think you would be able to move past this but if you leave with me, that’s never going to happen. Having me around would ensure that you’d never forget about Arcadia Bay, yes, but it would let you do that without doing any of the work of processing and accepting everything that’s happened. I’m afraid that having me around would let you trick yourself into thinking you’ve moved on and that’s not fair to you.

I wish I could be the one to show you that you can move on without forgetting, that you can let go of the past without losing it forever. I wish I could show you, Chloe. But I can’t be the one to do that. All I do is get in the way.

I know you can do this, Chloe. I know you can learn how to hold on to what you need from your past and take that into the future. You can do this, either by yourself or with whoever you need. You just can’t do it with me, no matter how much I wish you could. I wish I could see the amazing person you’re going to become after you make it through all this, but I know now that in order for you to have a chance at becoming that person, I can’t be around to see it.

So that means I have to leave. By the time you read this, I’ll have already left. Please don’t try to come after me or contact me. I’ve asked my parents not to give you any information about where I am or how to get a hold of me, so please don’t put them in an awkward position by asking about me.

And please don’t think this means that our time together meant nothing to me, or that it shouldn’t mean anything to you. I know it’s selfish, but I’m so thankful for the time I got to spend with you, even if it was at your expense. I hope that someday you’ll be able to forgive me enough to look back fondly on the happy times we had together.

I’m sorry I’m not strong enough to tell you this in person. I’m sorry the only way I can do this is through a letter. But I know that if I try to have this conversation with you it will end with me taking it all back and staying. And that can’t happen. Not if you’re ever going to have a chance to move on.

Good-bye, Chloe. I love you and I’m sorry.

\- Max


	2. Because I Care

Max jerked awake at the sound of her phone vibrating on her nightstand. She sat up, looking out the window at the night sky in bleary-eyed confusion as her phone continued to buzz.

“Shit, did I set my alarm wrong again?” Max muttered, rubbing her eyes with one hand while reaching for her phone with the other. She raised her finger to swipe the alarm quiet but paused, staring in disbelief at the phone number on her screen. A moment later her phone went silent, only to start vibrating again almost immediately from another call by the same number.

Max slid her finger across the screen to accept the call, a small knot of nervousness growing in the pit of her stomach as she brought the phone up to her ear. “Joyce?”

“Max. Oh thank god,” Joyce said in a quiet voice that made Max almost certain that she was near tears.

“How…how did you get this number?”

“Your parents gave it to me.”

Max let out an exasperated sigh. “I specifically told them not to do that, why—“

“Considering the circumstances, they thought it was appropriate,” Joyce cut in, softly but firmly.

“The circumstances?”

“Yes, Max. It’s about Chloe. And don’t you dare hang up the phone,” Joyce added quickly.

“Chloe.” Max almost choked on the name, the knot in her stomach tightening until she began to feel queasy.

“She tried to kill herself a few hours ago.”

Max bent over, balling her hand into a fist and pressing it against the side of her head as bile threatened to rise in her throat. “Oh god.”

“She’s going to be okay, though. I got her to the hospital in time.”

“Why…” Max gasped, then forced herself to stop and take a deep breath. “Why are you telling me this?”

“I want you to come see her, Max.”

“Did she…did she ask for me?”

“No,” Joyce said simply, but Max felt the word twist painfully in her gut. “She didn’t. This is all my idea.”

“I can’t imagine she’s…happy with me,” Max said carefully. “Would she even want to see me?”

Joyce sighed heavily. “Probably not. But I think you’re the only one who could possibly help her now.”

“Then why would I—“

“This isn’t my first choice,” Joyce snapped. “And this isn’t the first time I’ve tried to get help for Chloe. But I don’t know what else to do, Max. She’ll probably hate me for even calling you and suggesting that you do this, but I don’t know what else to do. I can’t…I can’t lose her, Max,” Joyce said, her voice beginning to waver. “Please.”

Max swallowed thickly. “Okay. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

\- - -

It was a beautiful autumn day. The sun shone intermittently through the light cloud cover and a soft breeze occasionally brushed across the brilliantly colored leaves that decorated the trees. Under different circumstances, this would have been a perfect day to wander through Arcadia Bay and the surrounding woods taking photos. 

Max tore her eyes away from the scenery and turned back to the entrance of the hospital. It had taken two flights, one layover, and one long taxi ride to get here, all of which she had spent thinking about whether or not this was a good idea. And about what she should say to Chloe. Despite all that time, she was still incredibly uncertain about both of those things.

Max sighed and took her phone out of her bag, quickly finding Joyce’s number in her contacts. “I’m outside the hospital,” she said once Joyce picked up the call. “Okay. I’ll be in the lobby.”

She walked to the hospital entrance, pushing open the door and heading to the lobby. She sat in one of the many chairs lining the walls of the room, staring at the floor with unfocused eyes while she turned her phone over and over in her hands.

“Max?” Joyce asked, causing Max to start. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you, hun.”

“It’s okay,” Max said, stowing her phone in her bag and rising to walk over to Joyce. “Um, I would say it’s good to see you, but…” She shrugged, avoiding eye contact with Joyce.

Joyce reached out to place her hand on Max’s shoulder. “I know. Are you ready to come up to Chloe’s room?”

“As much as I ever could be,” Max said with a grimace.

Joyce gave her a small, sympathetic smile, gently squeezing Max’s shoulder before turning and leading the way out of the lobby.

Neither of them said anything as they made their way through the hospital. Being here again reminded Max of visiting Kate all those years ago. At the time, Chloe had been at her side. But now…

Max shook her head, trying to relieve herself of that train of thought as Joyce stopped at the closed door of one of the patient rooms.

“This is Chloe,” Joyce said. “You should probably wait out here first. I…haven’t told her you’re coming yet.”

Max nodded, leaning her back against the wall next to the door as Joyce headed inside. She left the door open a few inches, allowing Max to hear Joyce’s heels click across the tiled floor and the steady beeping of whatever machines they had hooked up to Chloe.

“Chloe?” Joyce asked softly. “Someone’s here to see you.”

Chloe snorted. “Who? You’re literally the last person alive who cares about me.”

“It’s…Max.”

“What.” Chloe’s voice was hard and emotionless, making Max flinch.

“Max is here to see you.”

“Why the fuck would she be here?”

“I asked her to come. I think she can help you, Chloe.”

Chloe let out a short, bitter laugh. “I think I’ve had enough of Max’s ‘help’.”

“Chloe, please—“

“Actually, you know what? Have her come in here. I want her to see what she did to me.”

“Chloe…” Joyce said in a tone that would have been warning if it wasn’t laced with exhaustion. A few seconds later she sighed and called out, “Max, could you come in here please?”

Max pushed away from the wall and walked quickly into the room before she could listen to the part of her brain that was telling her to run down the hallway and out of the hospital.

Joyce sat next to the hospital bed, one arm propped on the arm rest with her forehead resting in her hand. Her eyes were closed, the tiredness on her face evident.

And in the bed next to her was Chloe. Her hair was longer now, almost shoulder length, and dyed a bright, shocking red. She looked thinner, her skin paler, making her tattoos stand out even more than usual. There was the tattoo sleeve she had done while Max was in Seattle, as well as the two others she had gotten when Max started college: the black outline of a feather that started on her sternum and ran parallel to her collar bone, which Max could just see peeking out of her hospital gown, and an open-winged butterfly on the inside of her left forearm, outlined similarly in black, but with water-color like splashes of blue and purple that bled slightly outside of its wings.

Max’s eyes flicked quickly over these details and came to Chloe’s face. Her weight loss made her cheek bones sharper and there were dark bags underneath her eyes, but that did nothing to hide the fury in Chloe’s eyes. Max had never seen Chloe looked so…enraged. And every ounce of it was directed squarely at her.

The realization made Max instinctively take a step back and Chloe sneered. “What, Max? Can’t stand the sight of what you’ve done?”

Max all but bolted from the room, raising her hand to rewind as soon as she was back in the hallway.

“Max, could you come in here please?” Joyce called out once again.

Taking a deep breath, Max walked into the room, forcing herself to meet Chloe’s eyes without reacting. She held Chloe’s rage-filled gaze for several seconds before she had to look away, focusing instead on Joyce, who was now watching Chloe carefully.

“Why are you here, Max?” Chloe demanded.

“I’m here because…because I care about you, Chloe,” Max said, almost wincing at how meek she sounded.

“Bullshit. If you cared about me at all you wouldn’t have left and I never would’ve ended up here.”

“Chloe, I left because I cared about you, I didn’t—“

“No. I’m not listening to any more of your crap,” Chloe yelled. Her hands were clenched into fists, the monitor next to her bed beeping more rapidly as her heart rate increased. “Fuck you, Max. I fucking hate you.”

Chloe tried to rise from the bed but Joyce grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back down. Several nurses ran into the room, drawn by Chloe’s yelling. One of them reached out to start guiding Max out of the room but Max raised her hand, rewinding until the nurses left the room and Chloe was again lying still.

“Why are you here, Max?” Chloe demanded.

“I’m here because Joyce asked me to come,” Max said, mentally crossing her fingers in hopes that the conversation would go better this time.

“So you don’t even care enough to come see me on your own free will, my mom had to drag you out here? Fuck you, Max, I fucking hate—“

Max lifted her hand to rewind again. And again, after another failed conversation, and again, and again, until…

“Max, your nose!” Joyce said, jumping up and grabbing the box of tissues on the table next to her.

Raising her hand to her face, Max felt blood beginning to drip down her lip. Her head was pounding now and she knew she wouldn’t be able to rewind again.

She accepted several tissues from Joyce, conscious of Chloe still watching her with seething hatred in her eyes.

“You can’t fix this, Max,” Chloe said finally, after Max’s nose had mostly stopped bleeding. “No matter how many times you try, you’re not going to be able to fix this.”

Joyce gave Chloe a sad, confused look before putting her hand on Max’s shoulder and steering her out of the room. She closed the door behind them and turned to Max with a sigh. “That didn’t go well.”

“I didn’t really expect it to,” Max said, still dabbing at her nose with the tissues.

“I know. I didn’t either. I just hoped that…I don’t know.” Joyce reached into her purse and pulled out a key, which she handed to Max. “Why don’t you head back to my place, Max. Chloe won’t be released for a few days and I hate to make you pay to stay somewhere when you’ve gone through all this trouble.”

“Thanks,” Max said as she accepted the key. “I guess I’ll head out then.”

“I’m sorry this didn’t go better, Max, but thank you for coming.”

“Of course,” Max said. “I could hardly refuse, since this is basically all my fault.”

“No, honey, it’s not,” Joyce said, putting a hand on Max’s shoulder and using her other hand to tip Max’s face back so she was looking into Joyce’s eyes. “You may have turned Chloe toward this path but she made a lot of her own choices, too.”

Max nodded, swallowing as she tried to hold back the tears that were burning the backs of her eyes and throat.

“You go on now,” Joyce directed. “I’ll call you about Chloe later.”

“Okay,” Max said weakly as Joyce turned and entered Chloe’s room, leaving her standing in the hallway alone and more confused than ever.


End file.
